My recent addiction is the movie You’ve Got Mail. I live for the last 5:26 minutes. I smile, I cry a little bit and my heart melts. My favorite part is when Meg is in the part waiting for Tom Hanks, but she doesn’t know it’s him until he calls for his dog, Brinkley and he comes into view… and for a few moments you see the different emotions flash across her face and she tears up a little.
And that line, the one I so artfully featured above. “For as long as we both shall live?” I know Nora Ephron is long gone but my goodness could she right a good male character. I feel like in movies anymore the men in them are too perfect. Too tortured, too sweet, too handsome and they raise expectations too high. But Tom Hanks… yes in the movie he’s a millionaire, but he’s not too handsome or tortured or even sweet. And Meg isn’t too pretty (beautiful, absolutely, but… normal), or too shy, or secretly “insert unique, rare, coveted quality here.” Their relationship isn’t perfect, or filled with unrealistic drama and action, or a psycho cop ex-husband. There’s no obligatory death of a favorite character, sorry Nicholas.
They just… fall in love with each other’s personalities, each other’s souls. Why isn’t love like that? Only once has love been like that for me and sometimes I wonder if it will happen again. That’s where this whole “single for a year thing” get’s me scared and I have to remind myself.. “You’re 21. Remember how you have 15 years until you have to be scared?” I suppose there’s one line where I love Tom Hanks and find him a little unrealistic, but only a little. It’s right before he’s supposed to meet Meg in the coffee shop for the first time and his friend tells him:
Friend: “Let me guess–she’s in there with a book and a flower, right?”
Tom: Looks at the ground, chagrinned.
Friend: “She could be a real dog, man.”
Tom: “…She is the most adorable creature I could ever have the pleasure to have met. If she’s as good looking as a mailbox, I’d be insane not to turn my life upside-down and marry her.”
But I love that line. I’m an unrealistic woman for wanting a man to think that, and I’m not saying there aren’t some men out there who do think like that…. but not very many men my age think like that. And that’s okay, really. They can keep thinking like that, I’ll just be over here, liking older men who match up with me in maturity. *Shrug*
This is, I suppose, is my bad transition to Elizabeth Gilbert. I’ve started reading her book Eat. Pray. Love. and I’m in the beginning when she starts talking about how she didn’t want to be married anymore, but she was terrified of leaving and terrified of staying. She mentions that she wishes she could just walk out the back door with no fuss, or hurting anyone. While reading this I could absolutely relate, even if I’ve never been married before, and I can identify her problem with my fears about being married someday. She talks about how she’s supposed to want to be married, happy and want a baby right now but she’s more excited about her job opportunities and dreading the prospect of being a mother. Its pretty similar to the same terror I felt when Joni and I started talking about maybe getting engaged. I loved him dearly, and I loved our relationship… but being married scared me and it really drove a divide between us. It made me want to pull away, while he clung tighter. What happens if I meet someone else, marry young, and then eight years from then I find myself crouched on the bathroom floor every night, sobbing uncontrollably?
She was 35 when she wrote the book, roughly two years previously she had been divorced, her ex husband and her been together eight years. She was 26 when they got together. By today’s standards, that’s a perfectly acceptable age to start dating seriously, and 28 is a perfect age to get married.
That’s so much. She was, is so young. But this makes me like the book. I like, so far, that she’s human and she’s curious and afraid but not so afraid she stayed home and got herself a dating profile to try and get over it. No, instead she went in search of balance. That’s what I want too, except I can’t go to Italy, India and Indonesia to find it because I’m a broke college kid–but I can read, and I can blog and I can try and live my life happily and satisfied. At least until I can afford to travel around and find whatever I’m in search of when I do have the funds.
I know this entire thing made me sound like a commitment-phobe. I’m really not. I guess I’m just explaining, or rather rationalizing why I shouldn’t be worried about getting into a super-serious, marriage-bound relationship. But I do want a boyfriend. I guess Girl summarizes it perfectly though: