Roommate wars, Cobb Salad with avocado and Emma Stone

I don’t know how things could have gone to hell so incredibly quickly, but my goodness have they.

Let’s start with last Monday when I was having problems getting in the door after work. It’s normal when it’s cold, it’s no big deal. The lock is exposed to the cold. But my landlord was at the apartment above mine. While I was trying to get my key out, she noticed my troubles and we started talking as I persuaded my key into coming out of the lock by jiggling it. No problem, it just happens when it’s cold.

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I had Nala living here, under her nose because I didn’t want to pay the full pet fee because Nala is a cat. A cat isn’t a dog that poops all over the floor and makes a mess. It’s not the same. Anyways, the landlord saw Nala and I brushed it off saying Megan was supposed to let her know about it. I told my room mates what happened, everything was fine. My plan was to take Nala back home that weekend.

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But Lana was super rude to me later (and things had slowly been escalating with Lana being a slob and absolutely rude when I asked nicely if she’d mind helping out by taking out the trash or putting her dishes in the dishwasher, but I had been letting it slide until that point) and so I told the landlord they were horribly messy tenants (which was crappy of me, but nonetheless true), and she said she may not lease to them again. They aren’t mature enough for apartment life in my opinion (paying bills on time has been a mere suggestion for them, as well as keeping common-areas of the apartment clean. By clean I mean not in a complete state of “just had a raging party in here.”), anyway and what happened the next day proves it.

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The next day, because I didn’t want to risk my key getting stuck in the lower lock again, so I locked our deadbolt and went to work. While I was finishing up at work, my landlord called me and told me when my room mates got home they couldn’t get in the door (because of the deadbolt) and kicked in the door and broke the lock, the jamb, and the frame.

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My roommates channeled their inner ninja, fueled by stupidity, and kicked down the door. 

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I was upset, because it was so stupid. My landlord was upset because my room mates destroyed her property. Megan was and still is upset because I told the landlord Nala was hers ((out of shear panic) but I did apologize to Megan later, and made it right with the landlord (before all of the things that happen next)). Lana is upset because her parents are mad that they have to pay a ton of money to fix our door–rightfully so.

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The same night I decided I’d take Nala back to my parents to make the landlord happy, and when I got back I sat down with my roommates to get everything out in the open and smooth things over–because, after all, we still have two months to live together. Everything seemed fine that night after talking. But in the morning it was like our discussion never happened. My roommates are still acting like I’m to blame for everything and it’s getting extremely old.

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To insult me (I’m guessing) they moved their crappy, plastic Halloween themed dishes and plastic cups out of the dish cabinet (where my ceramic, Martha Stewart dishes and crystal cups remain), moved my pots and pans out of the pots and pans cabinet and sat them on my couch, then moved all of their separated plates and cups into the pots and pans cabinet–where I’m not allowed to use them. Also in hopes of insulting me, they cranked the heat up. Note: this doesn’t hurt me, it hurts YOU simpletons, because we still have to pay for the heat.

ooh burn

Now, if I were going to be as petty as they are, I COULD say, “Oh, ok. Well, don’t use my couches, ottomans, pots, pans, silverware, cooking utensils, ice trays, deep freeze, dish drying rack, living room TV, DVDs, Ps3, Netflix account, dish detergent, laundry detergent, toilet paper, paper towels, hand towels, rugs (bathroom and kitchen), shower curtain, kitchen table, coffee table, Keurig, coffee cups, obviously don’t use my sugar, flour, spices, coffee, tea… etc. etc.”

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And to be honest, I have been presented with the option of moving all of those things out of our apartment into free-storage until I move out in two months, just so they would see how stupid they’re being. Honestly, I’m not even mad about the door anymore (even though we’re probably not getting any of our deposits back), or about them being complete slobs (and inviting people over who trash the apartment and don’t clean up after themselves)–two things I have every reason to be mad about. I don’t get how things could be fine in the evening and then suddenly they both become sun-downers and forget that entire discussion. Do they like wasting their energy being ticked off? If anyone should be ticked, it should be me.

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But the fun hasn’t even ended with them re-arranging their cabinets. Given that this didn’t bother me or effect me at all, while I was gone over the weekend my lovely roommates took it upon themselves to rearrange more things in the apartment. They moved the deep freeze, the coffee table and kitchen table. By shoving them all into the one corner we have in the kitchen, they made them all totally non-functional. Before work today I spent 15 minutes moving everything back to where it originally was.

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So I’m given the choice: be un-Christian and move all of my things out and into storage until I move into my one-bedroom apartment in May… or ignore the crap and turn the other cheek? It’s a very, very fine line at the moment between being a Christian and teaching my roommates a lesson and being un-Christian and being a doormat.

oh fuck

In other news, I’m getting a one-bedroom apartment for my senior year in college. I’ve had it with crappy roommates and I’m much happier living on my own anyway, even if it gets a little lonely. Plus, I have my own washer and dryer and rent is less than what I pay now–it’s basically my apartment now, but a one-bedroom instead of a three-bedroom inhabited by two crappy people. I’m also having the best, most delicious dinner–cob salad with avocado and a Green Tea Frappuccino for dessert.

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Aren’t all of these Emma Stone gifs awesome, though? I was inspired when the “Ooh BURN!” one summed up my apartment life perfectly. I have a tough decision to make and I admit, I’ve been praying for patience and guidance but so far, it ain’t working.

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