This week has been going so fast. I have a mega-test tomorrow in Communications Law. So far, every day this week after class at 2 pm I’ve been coming to the library and not leaving until 10 or 10:30 pm. Endless hours in the library, squinting at my notes and laptop, all so I can just get a decent grade. Hopefully it wont take me more than 40 minutes to take this test. Senioritis is strong with this one.
There are also these kids at a table across from me having such a great time not studying that one of the girls just fell off her chair. Mmkay, over-doing-it much?
Tomorrow I take my test at 9:35 am and right after that I have to sprint out of the building, drive back home to the airport in time for my flight at 12:44pm. I feel like by the time I reach San Antonio tomorrow, I’m going to look like I belong in an asylum.
All week long I’ve been a combination of stress about that exam, stress about making my flight, and excitement about getting to see Max after such a long time of not getting to talk.
But with all this stress of this week, I decided to do something crazy and celebratory. In my last post I mentioned that I got a tattoo. If anyone I know reads this, don’t freak out. The tattoo I got is a viking symbol that means “create your own reality,” but it can also be translated as “find a way or make one.” It’s small, but it has a big meaning for me and that’s what matters.
I got it because a lot of things in my life are going to change soon, and a lot of that change scares the heck out of me.
As I start heading into the unknown–the unknowns of my relationship, the unknowns of my law school adventure, the unknowns of graduation and beyond–I just want something that marks that beginning. I want to be able to look back at it and remember exactly where I was in life and reflect on where I am in the present. Even though I’m afraid of what’s coming, I know I will find a way or make one.
I actually never thought I’d be the kind of person to get a tattoo, either. That’s another reason why I wanted one. While I’ve been in college I’ve done my fair share of crazy, shameful, reckless things.
But I also wanted something that would be a marker for a time that I’ll (hopefully) never revisit once I graduate; a time where I got to be a complete mess with all of my friends and a time when I made a lot of memories. What better way to mark it than with one last slightly reckless decision?
Besides, it’s my body and I’m one of those “I’m going to do whatever I darn well want to with it.” This also brings me to a weird point… of all the people I’m friends with and related to, I have a feeling that having a tattoo sets me apart just a little bit more. Don’t get me wrong, I love my friends and my cousins and family… but the majority of them are pretty straight-laced.
And to be honest, I feel pretty out of place among them a lot of the time. It’s not that being straight-laced is a bad thing, but I like being relaxed and open minded about things. I also like knowing at the end of the day my decisions, however controversial, are my own and that I didn’t make them because I was worried about what others think.
I love my friends and my family. I know that living with my boyfriend over the summer wasn’t a popular choice, I know that getting a tattoo probably will be frowned upon, I know that be being a hot mess with my sorority sisters once in a while less than desirable by their standards. But I made those choices, and I love that no one pressured me into them. Not to mention, I’ve made a lot of decisions that didn’t go over well at first but ended up great too–joining a sorority, pursuing my law degree, cutting off all my hair in the 11th grade, dating Max, exploring different religions, getting my internship (and getting my too-sexist-for-words-boss fired so no other interns would have to go through that). The list goes on and on–every single time it’s been worth it.
No, they haven’t all be easy. But I am who I am because of them.