In the last week I have gained several new perspectives on my life. I have grown a friendship, I have been tested in a different friendship, and I have more appreciation for my relationship.
Yep, it’s kind of a doozy.
I have two best friends. Way back in high school they got together and had been dating all the way up until a week ago. In high school it felt like they were as likely as any high school age couple to break up. But then our group of friends, including the couple, graduated and went off to college/ onward to life after high school. In 2012, heading into college, it felt like there was even more pressure on the couple to break up. There’s the life changes, the long distance, the being so young… the odds were against them. But then… we all graduated and the couple had somehow, miraculously, survived. There were plans of finally moving in together. A month ago, plans of possibly getting married within the year.
And suddenly… none of that was true after a late-night phone call. My best friend in the whole world (formerly mentioned Ashley) had dumped her boyfriend, my other best friend, for some 28-year-old Red Robin’s bartender with a two-year-old son.
…Yeah. Also my reaction. The rest of our friends, namely Hanson, were shocked. Our group felt fractured. I thought for certain, years ago, that all of my loyalties would be on my best friend’s side–no questions asked. But it wasn’t. I felt and still feel that she is making a huge mistake and has a good chance of damaging her relationship with her (now) ex-boyfriend irreparably… all over a “spark.”
I want to be on her side because she is my girl. I want to be on her side because I want her to be happy. I want to be on her side because I always thought I would be in this situation. I want to be on her side as someone who has experience, who has dated more. But I can’t fully commit because after talking to Jordan, (now) ex-boyfriend, and knowing this situation from pretty much every RomCom ever and my own personal experience I know what a huge mistake she is making.
But I also know that figuring out how stupid it is to chase after a “spark” when you already had unconditional love and devotion is a necessary life lesson. I also know that it is a hard lesson you can’t learn any other way than by experiencing it first hand. If only we would listen when someone tells us we are making a mistake.
As I try to support my best friend as much as possible, I have been given the opportunity to connect with Jordan. In the past our friendship has been based on our mutual relationship with Ashley. But now that that relationship has fractured… we are left to look at the pieces and figure out what happened. It’s heartbreak from different angles. I have found myself getting to know Jordan better and on a different level and I find that I like him as more than an acquaintance–and that I connect with him better than I ever did.
In a way it makes me glad they broke up, otherwise I never would have gotten to know this person I’ve been friends with over the last six years. This all makes me want them to work it out even more. I feel so loyal to their side–their side as a couple, against the odds. I’m trying as best I can to support them both.
This whole situation makes me more appreciative for Alex.
Marriage is so hard. When my mother said that marriage was hard, I didn’t believe her. Ironically, another one of those lessons that I couldn’t learn any other way than by experiencing it.
Sometimes I want to scream at Alex–sometimes I do. But at the end of the day, I love Alex and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere without him.
This whole situation between my friends and the constant that was their relationship and all that I have learned from it so far… it makes me think about how far Alex and I have come–from the day we met, from the day we broke up, when we decided to get back together, to the day we got married, to even yesterday–and I am so thankful for him. We are still learning how to live together, how to support each other, how to treat one another as spouses… but I wouldn’t trade the world for what I have with him.
Until next time…