I wish life and love were about a million times simpler than it seems to be. I wish we could just always be dead-blunt with each other and no one would get offended, it would just be another way of life.
I hate that I am stuck between two of my friends who used to date. My best friend who I have mentioned so many times on here is turning into someone I don’t like. She has begun to lie, and keep secrets and care too much about what others think. She has been doing this so much that she doesn’t seem to even know what she wants anymore. But she keeps dragging my other friend, her ex, through the dirt.
My husband tells me I need to risk my frienship with her and tell my other friend the truth about her. But I can’t. I have done that, been blunt with both of them more times than I can count. I no longer feel like I’m doing either of them a favor. I feel like the messanger that people want to shoot, or the messanger who shoots themselves for having delivered so much bad news.
I want their mess to be over. I want to wash my hands of it and go about my life–my sweet life that I have really grown to appreciate in the last several months.
I want others to appreciate their own lives too. I find that even at work people groan about things that the less fortuneate would count themselves truly and undoubtedly blessed to have. For instance a job, a steady pay check, a home, a family, being in that home by 6pm at the latest, and friends.
But people still groan. They long for the greener grass, the earlier shift, and always more.
It always used to annoy me when my pastor would preach about wanting what you already have. I used to think, “then what’s the point of that when you can have more?” The mere idea of having more would distract me.
But something funny happened in the last six months. When I moved in with Alex I was unhappy because he did not act like I wanted. We did not act like I wanted, or expected us too. I wanted more from everything–my marriage, my work, my life.
It wasn’t until I began to look for something positive every day that I found what I wanted: I found that I already had more and I didn’t need to argue with my husband, find a different job or anything. Everything I ever wanted more of was already here, right in front of my face.
I am sure many people get annoyed with the fact that I am happy. People must surely think my positivity and adoration of my marriage is obnoxious. But the best advice I could possobly give those people who think my happiness is too much would be to look for positives in your own life every day. It is only then that you will start to truly appreciate what you already have.