“It’s time to begin, isn’t it?
I get a little bit bigger, but then I’ll admit
I’m just the same as I was
Now don’t you understand
That I’m never changing who I am…”
I haven’t posted in a while, but life has been hectic here in the Springs. Well, hectic in some ways and a bit dull in others. I have finally faced the stresses of starting a career and the true feelings of needing to step up my game. Luckily my boss is, for the most part, understanding. Last week at work was indeed high stress for everyone in the office for many reasons and I decided on Friday, after coming home and just wanting to cry in frustration for several days that what would be best is to give everyone a free pass. Throughout the week my co-workers and boss had an array of impatient, nasty exchanges. The air in the office was full of tension all week and it felt hard to breathe.
However, I am lucky to have good friends around me that keep the negativity at bay. Not all of my friends here in Colorado do this, but I sought out the ones who I felt would best help me keep from falling into my own negative thoughts. Sometimes, you just need to surround yourself with different people in different times of need. Sometimes you just need to think of your own happiness.
This week at work has been considerably better, however. My boss is gone traveling and I have had a great opportunity to get myself re-organized in my office. I finally took a chance to pull out all of the papers in my desk that were left from the last person in my position. I moved things around to places I like, I found a floral mouse pad, I got some sparkled bright pink tissue paper and covered the the back part of my desk. I changed the desktop background to a slide show of flowers and put my delicious waffle-scented candle on the warmer. By Tuesday I finished the majority of the tasks on my to-do list for the week. I was able to get to the gym in the morning and/or evening every day this week as well.
I have to say I’m so happy for the turn-around this week. Brightening up my desk, getting organized and hitting the gym with friends has made all the difference in my mood, focus and productivity this week. Now it’s Friday and I’m really looking forward to my plans tonight and tomorrow.
Tonight after work I will be having a steak dinner with Maggie, our new intern Amber, and my other boss, Bridget. Then I will hit the gym with my neighbors and come home to relax with my hubby. Tomorrow I am getting my hair done with the same neighbor who has been my work out buddy–something I have been looking forward to for two weeks. I haven’t had my hair cut short in six years and I am excited for the update.
I have written about my friendships here in Colorado Springs several times. I write about friendship every so often in general because it’s important to me and because I went most of my college career without close friendships like I had in high school. Ever since all of that time spent without much companionship I promised myself I would value my new friendships here in Colorado.
Until this past week, I felt like I had been doing that. I feel like I have made a mistake with my generosity. In high school I was friends with a girl that would, in simple terms, drive me crazy because she would get upset with me for little things and hold a grudge for several days. I would never know she was upset with me until I would try to speak with her and get the cold shoulder or a monosyllabic response. Sometimes just radio silence. Then I would groan internally at being in the same stupid, convoluted, place I had just been in a month previously. I would find myself begging her to tell me what was wrong so I could just apologize or do whatever I needed to do to move on with our lives.
I hated this kind of pointless drama. I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t stand the not-knowing. I couldn’t stand the waste of time. I couldn’t stand the pointlessness of holding a grudge. I still hate this kind of pointlessness. But what’s different about then and now is how quickly I came to the conclusion that I didn’t need that girl in my life.
High school me took almost a year of friendship and this behavior to lose patience and cut her out of my life. It wasn’t painful to do. I just care about and value my friends. I am also a patient person. But I knew from then on that I shouldn’t let myself be brought down by petty little things and people who seem to thrive on that pettiness.
This past week I was faced with an identical situation and it brought me right back to high school. I felt myself have such a negative reaction to this behavior from one of my friends here in Colorado Springs, here in my adult life. I haven’t cut my newer friend out of my life by any means but I did try to have direct communication about the problem. I was met with the exact same attitude my old friend showed me.
What’s different about present me is that I have patience, but no tolerance. Do I still care for her deeply as a friend? Yes, of course. Would I love to fix the issue in a direct and mature manner? Absolutely.
Would I like to have a repeat of this same issue and lack of communication in my friendship? Guess again. As my friend and co-worker Maggie so eloquently put, “leopards don’t change their spots.” I know I won’t be changing my feelings about how pointless it is to have a problem but never communicate a solution and I have a feeling that she will not become a better communicator overnight.
All I can do is surround myself with people who I would like to be more like. All I can do is work to make myself and my life a happy place. All I can do is leave the leopard be.