Send my love (to your new lover)

Sometimes the best advice you can give someone is to cut a person out of your life. An abusive boyfriend, a passive aggressive friend, a frenemy, etc. 
I have cut people out of my life before and people have cut me out of their lives before. Sometimes it’s the best way to remedy a situation but it’s usually never my first inclination to do this. I think of myself as pretty loyal. I know how it feels to need a friend when I’m in a tough spot or going through something and for that reason I am pretty patient. There isn’t much a person could do that I wouldn’t eventually forgive them for. I might need time to think about it and come around to it, but I usually get over myself and forgive and forget. 


The thing is other people don’t do that. In fact for some the first solution is to cut people out at the first sign of trouble. Of course, that doesn’t leave you with many friends at the end of the day. 


But, to the friend who has been cut out of my life and to the same friend who cut me out of theirs:
We had a lot of fun times together. We laughed until we cried, and we cried until we laughed. We took a road trip that ended everything, but I guess God needed us to see that was the end of the road. Literally and figuratively. 


Part of me does wish I never opened my home or friendship up to you, especially when you were so quick to shut your doors on me. Twice.
Actually, you left me stranded 18 hours away from home and only had the decency to call me a cab. To the bus station. Really classy way to not only deal with your feelings but also treat your guests. 


To be quite frank, if the roles were reversed I would have done what my Grandmother, and probably also Jesus, would have done: talked to you sensibly, honored my word, and helped you get back home safely. I’m just giving you the answer to what you asked. 


But we both know that my half of the relationship was the one that actually CAN be an adult and handle things in an adult way. I even let you know you could cancel that bus ticket you “generously” bought me so you could get your money back. That’s something my mother WOULDN’T have done. 


I am truly glad you can be with your family in your time of grief. I’m truly glad we had the time we did. I’m even glad I rode the whole 18 hours out to your home town with you. It was nice to see where you grew up. 


But it was really shitty how you treated me. It was really shitty you valued your anger above all else. It was really shitty you expected me, once again, to help you fix your mistakes. It was really shitty you made me an unwelcome guest in your home. It was really shitty you put me in a bad position and have no remorse. It’s really shitty that I have been there for you no matter how bad you’ve treated me, but even this once, you couldn’t do the same given the circumstances. 


You are a bad friend. I don’t deserve to be treated like this. I didn’t do things that warranted being treated like this. I have been a good friend. This isn’t a positive, healthy relationship for me and I’m not sure it ever was. 


So if you log on to social media, or try to text or message and realize you can’t find me anywhere, this letter is all of the reasons why. 


I hope the next friend you make you treat better than you treated me. I’m pretty sure there’s an Adele song you can listen to until you do make a new friend.

 

Good luck. 

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