A long journey ahead

So… 

It’s been about a month since I left my job in pursuit of not only a new career, but getting healthy. Not many know about this, really only close friends and a few relatives. 

I really wanted to keep it quiet, because if I fail then less people will know I failed in reached my new goal. But I’m finding that the more people who know, the more support I have. I feel kind of stupid that that didn’t occur to me before. 

But this journey, even though it’s just starting and has a ways to go, has already been filled with triumphs and… plateaus. This is the longest I have stayed consistent and pushed myself since 2010-2011. Back then I lost about 75-80 pounds via vegetarianism, starvation and intense cardio in a few months, about six months. 

Then I went to college. Over those four years I gained about 20 pounds per year. I would try for a week or two to get the weight back off, give up for a few months, try again for a week or two. It was a vicious cycle of starving and binging. Yuck. 

Now I live in Colorado, and my schedule is finally not changing every 4 months. Now I have nothing but time all day, everyday–and it’s being filled with clean eating (real meals–oatmeal, hard boiled eggs whites, chicken and fish, and green vegetables). It’s also filled with a mixture of intense cardio and some strength training. I’m 11lbs down, according to the scale. I have about 90lbs to go. 

Like I said, it’s going to be a long journey. But this time I’m more focused and determined. This time I’m in hot pursuit of my goal for bigger reasons than simply getting a bangin’ body. This time I’m doing it for a career. This time I’m doing it to get my health on track. This time I’m doing it for everything I want from life. 

I know some think I just “make a snap decision” or that I “have no longevity” or even that I “can’t stick with things for longer than a few months.” 

But I never wanted to make a career of lifeguarding. I never wanted to be a waitress forever. I never had any desire to work the graveyard shift for a radio station for years on end. Why does that mean I can’t stick it out? Why does that mean I can’t do this? Why does that give anyone any right to tell me that I can’t do this? 

Just because I haven’t non-stop talked about it for years to every person I know doesn’t make it a “snap decision.”  

None of it means anything. I want a career I give a damn about. I want a career that I can have as long as I want it. I don’t want my boss to be able to decide that because they don’t like me, they can write off my work and my livelihood like it’s nothing. If getting in shape and working my ass off for every pound, every mile, every lap in the next several months means I can do what I’ve wanted to since I was 17… then why shouldn’t I? 

Last night I got on the treadmill, determined to run 1.5 miles in 16 minutes. That’s how fast I need to run to pass a PT test. Last night I ran 1.5 miles in sixteen minutes and 30 seconds. I pushed all 260 pounds of me as hard as I possibly could until the screen read “1.5 miles complete.”  I needed to know I could do it. And I did. 

Granted, my legs were shaking so bad I could barely walk to cool down and I had sweat running into my eyes… but that 16 minutes was all I needed to know that I can do this. 

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